Confronting the Uncomfortable

            I am not one for confrontation. In fact, I’d do anything to avoid it. For most of my life, I’d say I was timid and afraid that my words could cause more damage. I never wanted to upset the other person. Instead, I’d only upset myself. For so long, I’d carry around the baggage of all the things I wish I said. People got away with disrespecting me.

            They say the only way to truly grow is to sit in the uncomfortable and reflect. If we continue to do the same things, nothing will change. Letting people hurt me is not an option. This week wasn’t the first time I started standing up for myself. It’s been these little sprinkles over time until this week. It was like a Theresa Tornado passed through, and I faced some difficult conversations. I feel a huge sense of relief, clearing the air and saying what I need to say.

            After standing up for myself against my ex-husband, I gained this extra assurance that everything would be okay. Writing and creating these powerful female characters who either stand up for themselves or encourage others to speak up has truly motivated me. The only way for me to truly grow is to not be afraid someone will be mad at me or won’t want to be in my life if I say something they don’t like. Listening to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Unfu*k Yourself taught me I am not responsible for people’s feelings, only mine. I didn’t just want to hear the advice but to take it. I felt it was time to take action.

            Last week, I referred to as “Confronting the Uncomfortable.” Somehow, I felt like the universe was testing how far I was willing to go. In one week, I called out a friend for disappearing and then reappeared as if nothing had happened; I followed up with a former boss and friend about the truth of why I quit; I had a “clear the air” meeting with a coworker who hadn’t liked me since day one. I provided verbal feedback to the head of the leadership program, which failed in many ways. I won’t go into too much detail about these conversations. However, as the week progressed, I found myself becoming increasingly comfortable expressing what needed to be said. The interesting piece is I was seen as the spokesperson for our leadership program. Other members admired my bravery and thanked me for doing what they couldn’t. (In a future post, I will go into detail about this situation.) I never saw myself as courageous. Yet, this is the second time this month someone has described me as brave.

            I credit my newfound courage to Kennedy, the main character in my 1st novel, Speechless. She/I wrote, “Find your voice, know your worth, and pursue your purpose.” Since reading that quote, I’ve tried to embody every aspect of that motto. I saw finding my voice as writing poems or telling stories, but I see now it’s so much more than that. I’ve always been a talker, but now I feel like I’m saying things that actually matter. Words are compelling, and we must use them as they were intended: to communicate.

            Now, don’t get me wrong, I won’t be out there speaking every thought that comes to mind, but I will no longer allow someone to disrespect me or treat anyone else unfairly. If I have to say something, I will, regardless of how my words make someone feel. I challenge you this week to get something off your chest. Life is short, and we should not miss the opportunity to express our thoughts.