Redefining Confidence

For most of my life, I’ve been pretty goal-driven and very much task-oriented.

However, over the past few months, I've noticed that my desire and motivation haven't been defined by the goals I've set. They've been shaped by intention and confidence.

At the end of December 2025, I created an ambitious list of all the things I wanted to accomplish by the end of 2026.

I tried to convince myself I wasn’t creating goals but a vision for 2026. These were a few items on the list:

• Read more: 2 books a month

• Develop a speaking pitch and send it to at least 10 opportunities

• Continue my health journey: 15 – 20 minutes of movement a day, increase water and whole, plant-based meals

• Secure my finances: lower credit debt and increase savings

• Write at least 12 poems, draft a manuscript, and edit another one

• Host Her Story again and attend more women-centered events

I quickly realized these bullets felt overwhelming and often like a task that needed to be done.

By the end of September, I can say, yes, I crossed off many of these items:

• Developed a speaking pitch, sent it to multiple opportunities, and was accepted to speak at events

• Hosted Her Story, and will host another one in less than a month

• Wrote over 60 poems and edited many more; created and (almost) published Shades of Love

• Edited draft two of Before I Say I Do

• Kept up with my blog posts

• Read 17 books this year (14 I previously owned)

• Wrote 60,000 words of The Definition of Womanhood

I get what you’re thinking: wow, she accomplished a lot.

And an older version of me would have said “yes, but…” and listed all of the things I hadn’t accomplished or didn’t do yet. I would have complained about how I could have done better here, and I shouldn’t have done this.

But this September, something changed…something I feel like I've been building toward my whole life.

I stopped focusing on what I didn't have, what I hadn't done, and what I'd missed. Instead, I spent my energy on what I had accomplished and what I had.

I embraced living in the present. The past shaped me, and the future can motivate me, but the present is a gift I don’t want to take for granted.

Every day, I make a conscious choice as to how I spend my time. I no longer feel guilty if I need to rest. I don’t let this vision weigh me down.

I realized I achieved what I did because I allowed myself the freedom to make it happen without pressure.

If I wanted to write a poem instead of sending pitch emails, I did it.

If I spent more time writing and missed my morning workout, okay!

If I splurged a little more on the kids instead of paying on a credit card, great.

If I slept in a bit longer or chose to rest over checking an item on my to-do list, yes!

I started living with intention.

The original plan for 2026 was to be confident. I wanted to feel confident when I walked into an unknown room, sent an email, told my story, or navigated personal and professional relationships.

Confidence wasn’t something I needed to think about. I felt it.

I stopped looking at unfinished tasks, relationships that didn’t serve me, and a change in priorities as failures.

Instead, I accepted them as part of the journey, no longer an attack on my worth. 

On September 24, I opened a document and wrote down everything: the highs, the lows, the accomplishments, and the roadblocks I experienced over the past six years.

Six years ago, I chose to walk away from the house I called my home, from the man I called my husband, and from the love I’d known.

Reading that list gave me a full picture of my journey. As I truly reflected, I thought of the times I felt uneasy, anxious, or like I had failed. Those were the moments when either my expectations or someone else’s expectations were too high.

I think that’s why September felt more like freedom than pressure. I still accomplished more than I anticipated, but I rested a lot more than I had in previous months.

September’s greatest takeaway is that we don’t have to let a to-do list define us. We can have ambition and goals, but they don’t control the actions we take. They serve as a guide, not the be-all and end-all.

There are three months left in the year. I may accomplish some items on the list; I may not.  

I don’t need to define that today.

The fun part will be living in the present, choosing to do something with intention, and confidently accepting the decisions I make.

Because if 2026 has taught me anything, it’s that I am already confident, and I no longer need to apologize for it.