Driving the unknow roads
I hate driving and, more importantly, driving in unfamiliar territory. You won’t hear me say, "Let's get in the car and see where the road takes us." However, I've been getting in the car and exploring so many new places due to promoting the book. When I decided to commit to putting my books and myself out there, I signed up for a bunch of craft fairs. That means I have to drive wherever they are, wherever they are, into a completely unfamiliar place and give it my all.
This past weekend, as I navigated the ins and outs of getting off I-81 and onto I-86, I realized how relaxed I felt by switching lanes, listening to the GPS, and getting to my destination. I exhaled as the rain pounded my windshield and the cars zoomed around me. I didn't tense up as I had in the past or feel any anxiety, which is very much new for me.
If I'm being honest, I didn't think I'd ever be able to drive. Not only did I have the usual normal fears of driving, but I have a disability that makes it that more difficult. I do not have vision in my right eye. Now, that's a long story for a different blog, but for today's post, being unable to see on the right side makes it more difficult to switch lanes and pass cars. I have to rely heavily on my mirrors. This has always made my confidence shaky.
And about a year and a half ago, that confidence became nonexistent. I hit my neighbor's car while reversing back into my driveway. The damage was minimal, but that small voice of doubt started yapping. "See, that's why you shouldn't be driving." Silencing the voice seemed impossible as it got louder. It reached a point where I psyched myself out the moment I had to park in tight places or reverse out of parking spaces. I told myself I couldn't do it. Then, I'd cry and feel this overwhelming sense of shame. I hated it. What made it worse is my kids saw the meltdowns and heard me say, "I can't do it." They tried to cheer me on. I knew I had to push through for them.
It was time to change the narrative and silence that voice. So, I said goodbye to my minivan and got a new, smaller car with a backup camera and mirror sensors. I still had doubts, but I kept driving. I told my counselor, "That one incident does not define my driving record. I can't base my thoughts of myself on one moment." Everything clicked when I said it out loud, and I started repeating, "I can do this." Lately, I've gotten in and out of tight parking spots and traveled on roads I've never traveled. But most importantly, I kept driving.
Life is filled with roadblocks, but we have to keep moving forward. We must learn that one incident does not define us, and we are far more capable than we could ever imagine. So, please, even when it seems impossible and that little voice in your head is telling you to quit, keep going because, eventually, you'll get to your destination.
